Sometime earlier this year, I read the book, The Soloist. Since my reading it, it has been made into a movie and gotten quite good reviews. As of right now, I have not seen it but desperately want to.
Anyway, the book is the true life story of the relationship between Steve Lopez, LA Times columnist and Nathaniel Anthony Ayers, a schizphrenic homeless man in LA. Steve happens upon Nathaniel playing his 2 stringed cello in the presence of a statue of Beethoven in LA. It is a book of tears, joy, music and friendship.
This weekend, I was in San Diego for the national music therapy conference. During the opening session, we were surprised with a performance by Nathaniel, along with one of our fabulous colleagues, Al Bumanis. I have never in my life heard such beauty and joy in music, improvised music. Nathaniel played the cello and the trumpet and it was over far too soon. I was so disappointed to not have my camera with me and I knew I was too far away to use my phone camera. So, I was content to sit and listen and wipe away my tears. I could not get over the timing of this man appearing within a week or two of my poignant discussion on homelessness with the prisoners at work.
On Friday morning, I went to a roundtable to discuss the Nathaniel Anthony Ayers Foundation. Steve, Nathaniel's sister Jennifer and Ted, the Executive Director of the foundation were on the panel. What an amazing group of people and words could not describe how I felt when listening to the work they are doing with artistically gifted mentally ill clients. Toward the end, Nathaniel came and played for us again. Many people left when the session was over but several of us were so drawn to this man and his gift that we had to stay to listen to his music. Christine Stevens, a renowned and gifted MT, began improvising with him on the piano. Over the course of the next 30 minutes, Nathaniel played the piano, cello and trumpet, once again improvising as only he knows how to do. I could not believe the beauty of his music and the expressions on his face as he did what he loved so much. When it seemed our time had to end, Nathaniel stood up and said "This is what I was born for. These few notes." WOW! Later on in the day, I had a chance to talk to Jennifer and thank her for coming to share their story with us. She kept saying over and over that she was so grateful to have this opportunity to see her brother "happy and having a great time". I can only imagine.
I feel that words will never come close to describing what I witnessed in this man but I had to process it somehow. To share this with my good friend, Shannon, only made it more memorable. I think it took me these last few days to get around to blogging about it because I just wanted to keep it to myself on some level. Just to reflect and remember the man who has somehow, in some small way, changed my life.
As Shannon and I sat out in the sunshine talking about what we had witnessed, I described it as pure joy and beauty. She said it was pure inspiration. I think we're both right.
It should be mentioned that the Nathaniel Anthony Ayers Foundation is doing amazing work, helping the artistically gifted mentally ill and trying desperately to stamp out the stigma of mental illness. They have a website and I encourage anyone and everyone to check it out and support this amazing group of people. I know I have and will continue to do so.
Tigers game July 2010
Monday, November 16, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
The sun above the clouds
Isn’t it amazing that on cloudy, dreary, rainy days, we forget that the sun is still there? I don't know if we so much forget or we just don't think about it. I remember in Hilton Head when we went down to watch the sun come up we were so excited to see it. We kinda did the whole "Look, here it comes..isn't it amazing and beautiful?" Really, why the surprise? Doesn't the sun always come up? Well, on the cloudy days we can't always see it and I suppose we can "question" if it's still there.
When I took off in the plane yesterday morning, it was still dark. We took off and all of a sudden, there was the sun, above the clouds. It was shining through my window, bright and warm. It struck me as ironic and super cool and got me thinking about a few things. I realized it's a perfect analogy for our relationship with God and His SON, Jesus. We can't always see Him and so, sometimes I think we "forget" He's there. We can get to thinking that because we can't "see" Him, He must not be there. That’s never the case. He never leaves us. I know that for me personally, I can get into a rut and when things are going well and everything is taken care of and on an even keel, I tend to think about Him or communicate with Him less. The irony is that sometimes it takes our storms and clouds to search and call out to Him.
Shouldn’t we be constantly searching for Him and His will for our lives? Of course we should.
I keep singing my song of the month over and over again. I’m calling it that because currently, it’s one I can’t get enough of. It’s a gospel song by Israel Houghton called “Just Gotta Say”. It starts with my new favorite thought….”Never have I seen the righteous forsaken!” I AM NOT FORSAKEN!!!! It goes on to say that He will never leave us lonely.
Sometimes, in my singleness, I forget that I am not alone. Is my life what I thought or planned it would be? Absolutely not. But, it’s what He planned it would be. And truly, doesn’t God know much better than I?
When I took off in the plane yesterday morning, it was still dark. We took off and all of a sudden, there was the sun, above the clouds. It was shining through my window, bright and warm. It struck me as ironic and super cool and got me thinking about a few things. I realized it's a perfect analogy for our relationship with God and His SON, Jesus. We can't always see Him and so, sometimes I think we "forget" He's there. We can get to thinking that because we can't "see" Him, He must not be there. That’s never the case. He never leaves us. I know that for me personally, I can get into a rut and when things are going well and everything is taken care of and on an even keel, I tend to think about Him or communicate with Him less. The irony is that sometimes it takes our storms and clouds to search and call out to Him.
Shouldn’t we be constantly searching for Him and His will for our lives? Of course we should.
I keep singing my song of the month over and over again. I’m calling it that because currently, it’s one I can’t get enough of. It’s a gospel song by Israel Houghton called “Just Gotta Say”. It starts with my new favorite thought….”Never have I seen the righteous forsaken!” I AM NOT FORSAKEN!!!! It goes on to say that He will never leave us lonely.
Sometimes, in my singleness, I forget that I am not alone. Is my life what I thought or planned it would be? Absolutely not. But, it’s what He planned it would be. And truly, doesn’t God know much better than I?
Friday, November 6, 2009
From the mouths of prisoners...
So, one of the groups I run at work is Lyric Discussion. Quite honestly, it's my most favorite group. When they talk, of course. So, I guess sometimes it depends on the make up of the crew. But, I love listening to their points of view and justification and experiences and just whatever comes out of their mouths.
Yesterday was a stellar day. I had 2 fabulous groups of lyrics and I was really excited about it. Just wanted to express 2 of the things that got me thinking. Well really, only one got me thinking, the other one got me laughing.
When I was at Maxey doing a lyric group, we got on the topic of drug dealing. I will never forget the day that dear, precious DeAndre said "Ms. Scott, I'm a drug dealer with morals. I would never sell to kids under the age of 16." I about fell off my chair. A drug dealer with morals? Really. Well, today, I heard it again. Two of the fellas were giving me their definitions for drug dealing being "work" or a job. I conceded to it being work but had to argue on the job front. And, the younger of the two said "I don't sell to anyone under 16. You have to have a line somewhere." I couldn't believe it. Twice in my career have I heard this. When the elder statesmen of the group asked him if asked to see their ID, I had to laugh out loud. Of course, this same young guy is the one who says that his kids need a role model, like Ice-T and later on says that you have to pray with your kids and give them some stability and foundation. Wow. Sometimes it's hard for me to wrap my head around the opinions and ideas that they have floating around in theirs. Which, leads me to my next story. The poignant one for the day, the one that really got me thinking.
Same group, different guys, different lyrics. We got on the topic of homelessness. Of course, some of them have been homeless and lived on the streets. This young kid says that he was "chasing that dope" and all he wanted was $20 to stay high. Said it was so bad he was using water from a mud puddle to put in his needle. Wow. But, we were sharing how homeless, or panhandlers get treated. He shared some of the things he saw and did when begging for money and then he asked if he could ask me how I reacted to people who beg. I told him that I've done several things, including giving someone $20 but mostly, I ignore them. He looked at me, can't think of a word to describe his face (maybe hurt) and he said, "I'd rather have someone tell me no than ignore me." Stopped me in my tracks. Of course, I knew immediately what he meant but I wanted him to share it with the group so I asked. His answer? "If you ignore me, it's like I don't exist. I'm nothing. If you tell me no, or sorry, at least you've acknowledged that you hear me and I'm a person."
I thanked this young man for sharing that and I told him that I was going to consider his words from here on out. Even if it's just how I handle the young kid at Meijer selling candy bars and I wonder to myself, "really, a school trip, how do I know you're not conning me?" I think now, I will take a minute to smile at them and acknoledge them, regardless of what I give or don't give.
Just for those of you who may wonder...lyrics used today were "Dear Mama" by Tupac and "What It's Like" by Everlast.
Yesterday was a stellar day. I had 2 fabulous groups of lyrics and I was really excited about it. Just wanted to express 2 of the things that got me thinking. Well really, only one got me thinking, the other one got me laughing.
When I was at Maxey doing a lyric group, we got on the topic of drug dealing. I will never forget the day that dear, precious DeAndre said "Ms. Scott, I'm a drug dealer with morals. I would never sell to kids under the age of 16." I about fell off my chair. A drug dealer with morals? Really. Well, today, I heard it again. Two of the fellas were giving me their definitions for drug dealing being "work" or a job. I conceded to it being work but had to argue on the job front. And, the younger of the two said "I don't sell to anyone under 16. You have to have a line somewhere." I couldn't believe it. Twice in my career have I heard this. When the elder statesmen of the group asked him if asked to see their ID, I had to laugh out loud. Of course, this same young guy is the one who says that his kids need a role model, like Ice-T and later on says that you have to pray with your kids and give them some stability and foundation. Wow. Sometimes it's hard for me to wrap my head around the opinions and ideas that they have floating around in theirs. Which, leads me to my next story. The poignant one for the day, the one that really got me thinking.
Same group, different guys, different lyrics. We got on the topic of homelessness. Of course, some of them have been homeless and lived on the streets. This young kid says that he was "chasing that dope" and all he wanted was $20 to stay high. Said it was so bad he was using water from a mud puddle to put in his needle. Wow. But, we were sharing how homeless, or panhandlers get treated. He shared some of the things he saw and did when begging for money and then he asked if he could ask me how I reacted to people who beg. I told him that I've done several things, including giving someone $20 but mostly, I ignore them. He looked at me, can't think of a word to describe his face (maybe hurt) and he said, "I'd rather have someone tell me no than ignore me." Stopped me in my tracks. Of course, I knew immediately what he meant but I wanted him to share it with the group so I asked. His answer? "If you ignore me, it's like I don't exist. I'm nothing. If you tell me no, or sorry, at least you've acknowledged that you hear me and I'm a person."
I thanked this young man for sharing that and I told him that I was going to consider his words from here on out. Even if it's just how I handle the young kid at Meijer selling candy bars and I wonder to myself, "really, a school trip, how do I know you're not conning me?" I think now, I will take a minute to smile at them and acknoledge them, regardless of what I give or don't give.
Just for those of you who may wonder...lyrics used today were "Dear Mama" by Tupac and "What It's Like" by Everlast.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Treadmill vs. Trail
So, tonight I had made up my mind to take a walk on the trail across the street from my house. Here's a few of the thoughts I had while on that walk....
Treadmill: Air conditioning and a tv in front of me (Cash Cab being my favorite thing to watch) Pretty much staying at the same speed (not too fast I might add) and a 0 incline. (Probably could do more but hey, who's checking?)I also get really bored, despite the tv, while walking on the treadmill and it's very hard for me to stay on after I've done "my mile". Wow, this seems like it's so much harder on my feet and legs after walking on the beach for a week. Never really noticed that before.
Trail: Muggy and buggy. Hmmm, not sure I'm liking this. In an effort to "unplug" and spend more time with God, I didn't even bring my i-pod. What's that? Hmmm, not sure I ever heard that bird before. Oh wait, there's crickets. Fish jumping too. I'm so sweaty, is this really better than the treadmill? Huh, speed and incline vary on their own just by going up and down hills. This is so much easier on my feet and legs. I love this trail. I am loving the sounds. Funny how I miss that with headphones in my ears. So, I'm trying to listen and talk to God. Well, I don't have a problem with the talking it's the listening. At one point, I think I even said "You know God, I will really think everything is great and will be reminded of your greatness if I could see some deer." Then I changed to "wouldn't it be cool to see some deer?" As I was walking along, another person walked from the other direction and he scared a deer and I saw the white tail as he ran away. Ok, cool. So I continued on, taking some pictures of the trees and the river. Then I finally saw them. There were 2 deer hanging out in the woods eating. They even let me get about 25-30 yards from them and I could see them chewing and even saw a tongue. I stood there and just watched them for about 10 minutes. I didn't even mind the buzzing mosquito in my ear at this point. Thank you, God. I think that deer are the most beautiful creatures with the absolute sweetest faces. I got to see them up close tonight. I love that.
Look at that, I've been walking for an hour tonight! Why does that seem like nothing out here and yet in the gym, it's torture??!!!
So, I guess it's plain to see that despite the bugs in my nose and mouth and the muggy sweat dripping down the back of my neck, the treadmill could never beat the beautiful experience of walking on a trail amongst God's amazing creation.
Passing the nice, handsome man running the trail in the opposite direction three times? Just an added bonus!
Treadmill: Air conditioning and a tv in front of me (Cash Cab being my favorite thing to watch) Pretty much staying at the same speed (not too fast I might add) and a 0 incline. (Probably could do more but hey, who's checking?)I also get really bored, despite the tv, while walking on the treadmill and it's very hard for me to stay on after I've done "my mile". Wow, this seems like it's so much harder on my feet and legs after walking on the beach for a week. Never really noticed that before.
Trail: Muggy and buggy. Hmmm, not sure I'm liking this. In an effort to "unplug" and spend more time with God, I didn't even bring my i-pod. What's that? Hmmm, not sure I ever heard that bird before. Oh wait, there's crickets. Fish jumping too. I'm so sweaty, is this really better than the treadmill? Huh, speed and incline vary on their own just by going up and down hills. This is so much easier on my feet and legs. I love this trail. I am loving the sounds. Funny how I miss that with headphones in my ears. So, I'm trying to listen and talk to God. Well, I don't have a problem with the talking it's the listening. At one point, I think I even said "You know God, I will really think everything is great and will be reminded of your greatness if I could see some deer." Then I changed to "wouldn't it be cool to see some deer?" As I was walking along, another person walked from the other direction and he scared a deer and I saw the white tail as he ran away. Ok, cool. So I continued on, taking some pictures of the trees and the river. Then I finally saw them. There were 2 deer hanging out in the woods eating. They even let me get about 25-30 yards from them and I could see them chewing and even saw a tongue. I stood there and just watched them for about 10 minutes. I didn't even mind the buzzing mosquito in my ear at this point. Thank you, God. I think that deer are the most beautiful creatures with the absolute sweetest faces. I got to see them up close tonight. I love that.
Look at that, I've been walking for an hour tonight! Why does that seem like nothing out here and yet in the gym, it's torture??!!!
So, I guess it's plain to see that despite the bugs in my nose and mouth and the muggy sweat dripping down the back of my neck, the treadmill could never beat the beautiful experience of walking on a trail amongst God's amazing creation.
Passing the nice, handsome man running the trail in the opposite direction three times? Just an added bonus!
Monday, September 14, 2009
The power of the ocean
There is something so powerful and yet so soothing about the sound of the ocean waves. As I sit on my parent's condo balcony in Hilton Head, I can see and hear the ocean. It makes me feel so utterly small and insignificant. Like the fact that no matter what is happening in my life, in the world, the ocean tides are constant. God is constant and in control. Life goes on and the earth continues to spin. With my help or without it, with my participation or without it, God's plan will will be done. As Mordecai said to Esther, "God will save His people and accomplish His purposes with or without you. You may have been brought to this place for such a time as this!"
So, I will do some contemplating and reflecting this week, or at least try. I will also spend some time with my friends enjoying the company and the atmosphere. And, of course, loving the sunshine!
So, I will do some contemplating and reflecting this week, or at least try. I will also spend some time with my friends enjoying the company and the atmosphere. And, of course, loving the sunshine!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
One last why
As I read through some of my previous blog entries, I see that I never really ended or updated the Dave story. It starts with yet another why. Why can't I have feelings for such a wonderful guy? Why is there no spark? I mean, seriously, he's extremely thoughtful and observant and kind. Who wouldn't want that kind of man in their life? I guess the answer to the why is that God is in control. He has a plan and for right now, for whatever reason, Dave is not the guy for me. I really wanted him to be. So, I will continue to trust and pray and seek God's face and His plan, not mine. Oh yea, and I should probably spend some quiet time with him but we all know how good I am at that one! Now is as good a time as any to focus on that. What better place than the beach?
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
WHY'S
So, what about this word question why...There are so many why's in our lives and I feel like this week, I have far too many to try to answer.
1) WHY am I trying to lose weight? I had a great time in Chicago and I think I really actually lost weight while I was there. But, what do I do? Sabotage on the train ride home and eat entire bags of snacks I took with me. So, result? Up on the scale last night when I really think I should have been down. WHY do I sabotage myself? Our coaches last night told us that we should re-visit our "Why am I here?" assignment. What brought us to Weight Loss Challenge. I didn't give it a lot of thought this time around, thinking I had things under control and things to look forward to. But now that's all changed. I am back to sabotaging and I'm not sure why I want to lose weight. Sure, I want to be healthy, walk up a flight of stairs and not be out of breath and buy all new clothes. But, what is at my core being for my wanting to lose weight? That I will have to think about and ponder. WHY?
2) WHY did Sandra have to lose her life in such a tragic way? Not only tragic but completely unnecessary. I keep telling myself that this is all part of God's plan. In fact, I was thinking last night that since the second Sandra was born, God knew this would be her time and way of death. There was some comfort in that on some deep, kind of odd level. But you know what? It doesn't help ease the pain of losing my friend. And it doesn't make me hate the man who did this to her any less. How will her daughter get through this? Sandra has dedicated her life to her girl and I can't imagine the pain she must be feeling. All I can do is pray for her. For all of us who will feel this loss. I will end my thoughts on Sandra with my favorite quote of hers...."If you feel froggy, leap!" Just love that one.
3) WHY do I have such intense feelings for a man who doesn't feel the same way? Why can't this relationship be something more? Wait, I don't want that one answered because I know this guy is not my Mr. Right. He is not the one for me. But, I have never felt such intense feelings for someone and I have never had someone make me feel the way he does. I miss him so much. I miss his friendship, our talks and of course, our hugs. This man is a beautiful person and I could never put into words the feelings I have for him. Right now, I am going to just pray for his family and his drama and that someday, he'll be able to enjoy life without all the extra crap that goes with it.
1) WHY am I trying to lose weight? I had a great time in Chicago and I think I really actually lost weight while I was there. But, what do I do? Sabotage on the train ride home and eat entire bags of snacks I took with me. So, result? Up on the scale last night when I really think I should have been down. WHY do I sabotage myself? Our coaches last night told us that we should re-visit our "Why am I here?" assignment. What brought us to Weight Loss Challenge. I didn't give it a lot of thought this time around, thinking I had things under control and things to look forward to. But now that's all changed. I am back to sabotaging and I'm not sure why I want to lose weight. Sure, I want to be healthy, walk up a flight of stairs and not be out of breath and buy all new clothes. But, what is at my core being for my wanting to lose weight? That I will have to think about and ponder. WHY?
2) WHY did Sandra have to lose her life in such a tragic way? Not only tragic but completely unnecessary. I keep telling myself that this is all part of God's plan. In fact, I was thinking last night that since the second Sandra was born, God knew this would be her time and way of death. There was some comfort in that on some deep, kind of odd level. But you know what? It doesn't help ease the pain of losing my friend. And it doesn't make me hate the man who did this to her any less. How will her daughter get through this? Sandra has dedicated her life to her girl and I can't imagine the pain she must be feeling. All I can do is pray for her. For all of us who will feel this loss. I will end my thoughts on Sandra with my favorite quote of hers...."If you feel froggy, leap!" Just love that one.
3) WHY do I have such intense feelings for a man who doesn't feel the same way? Why can't this relationship be something more? Wait, I don't want that one answered because I know this guy is not my Mr. Right. He is not the one for me. But, I have never felt such intense feelings for someone and I have never had someone make me feel the way he does. I miss him so much. I miss his friendship, our talks and of course, our hugs. This man is a beautiful person and I could never put into words the feelings I have for him. Right now, I am going to just pray for his family and his drama and that someday, he'll be able to enjoy life without all the extra crap that goes with it.
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