Clarification

See, the thing about Maxey is that we were together for 14 years. We saw some crazy stuff and we went through A LOT OF STUFF together over those years. We may not have always agreed with each other, we may not have always even liked each other, but we always watched out for each other. We were quite a diverse group of people and there were a lot of Christians. That makes any environment easier to handle. Especially one like Maxey. I still remember when I was struggling with something (can't remember what) and good old Ms. Tutt pulled my butt in the bathroom with Ms. Perryman and we prayed right then and there. Now that is something that would never happen in the prison. Not only because it can't but because there aren't a lot of those kind of people.

I talked to Rose this morning and I said "you have no idea what I would do for a Tommie Chaney hug right now". And as I said that to Dorothy today, I realized that's what it comes down to, doesn't it? That's what I miss. The people that love me for me and who aren't afraid to show it. People who love the Lord and other people and who are trying to make a difference.

So, I will sit here and remember my friends with a giant smile on my face. Yesterday my cheeks hurt from all the laughing we did. That is what I will remember and cherish and carry with me. At least until the picnic in 2 weeks when I will add more memories and laughs. Duane would have wanted it that way!

Funeral thoughts

So, today was a funeral for a good buddy of mine from Maxey. Duane was one of those guys who never met a stranger and was always doing for others. His passion was cooking. Or grilling to be exact. Great guy. I have a fabulous picture of him behind the grill of chicken and corn at one of our field days. Priceless.

My wonderings are of funerals for people who are not believers, or who I don't know if they are or aren't. I have no idea what Duane's faith consisted of, if anything. I do think that his sister was a Christian based on some of the things she posted on his hospital webpage. And, I would never assume to know anyone's heart. That is all up to God. In fact, I've met quite a few fellow believers who I would never have guessed had an ounce of faith based on things I see them say and do. But, I have only been to one funeral in my life for someone who had no faith. It was a long time ago and I don't remember much. What I do remember is the hopelessness. His adult daughters and wife were throwing themselves on the casket just wailing and sobbing. Horrible. I wonder what it's like to feel that. The flipside to that is that I'm glad I don't know what that's like. But, what about all the things people say to get through? "He's in a better place. He's not in pain anymore. He's with God now. We'll see him again someday." What if the deceased don't believe? Then none of that is true. Is it fair to say those things just to make people feel better? Oh, my head just aches trying to wrap my head around it. I can remember Pastor Alberta's sermon at Dwain Park's funeral. WOW! What guts. He was all about making people understand. I guess he use to say that he felt like it was a captive audience and for some, the only time they would ever set foot in church. Probably accurate.

So, tonight I will continue to pray for Duane's family. For comfort and maybe even coming to know Christ if they don't already. And, maybe (selfishly) most importantly, I wil praise God that I don't have those questions for myself or my family.