WHY'S

So, what about this word question why...There are so many why's in our lives and I feel like this week, I have far too many to try to answer.

1) WHY am I trying to lose weight? I had a great time in Chicago and I think I really actually lost weight while I was there. But, what do I do? Sabotage on the train ride home and eat entire bags of snacks I took with me. So, result? Up on the scale last night when I really think I should have been down. WHY do I sabotage myself? Our coaches last night told us that we should re-visit our "Why am I here?" assignment. What brought us to Weight Loss Challenge. I didn't give it a lot of thought this time around, thinking I had things under control and things to look forward to. But now that's all changed. I am back to sabotaging and I'm not sure why I want to lose weight. Sure, I want to be healthy, walk up a flight of stairs and not be out of breath and buy all new clothes. But, what is at my core being for my wanting to lose weight? That I will have to think about and ponder. WHY?

2) WHY did Sandra have to lose her life in such a tragic way? Not only tragic but completely unnecessary. I keep telling myself that this is all part of God's plan. In fact, I was thinking last night that since the second Sandra was born, God knew this would be her time and way of death. There was some comfort in that on some deep, kind of odd level. But you know what? It doesn't help ease the pain of losing my friend. And it doesn't make me hate the man who did this to her any less. How will her daughter get through this? Sandra has dedicated her life to her girl and I can't imagine the pain she must be feeling. All I can do is pray for her. For all of us who will feel this loss. I will end my thoughts on Sandra with my favorite quote of hers...."If you feel froggy, leap!" Just love that one.

3) WHY do I have such intense feelings for a man who doesn't feel the same way? Why can't this relationship be something more? Wait, I don't want that one answered because I know this guy is not my Mr. Right. He is not the one for me. But, I have never felt such intense feelings for someone and I have never had someone make me feel the way he does. I miss him so much. I miss his friendship, our talks and of course, our hugs. This man is a beautiful person and I could never put into words the feelings I have for him. Right now, I am going to just pray for his family and his drama and that someday, he'll be able to enjoy life without all the extra crap that goes with it.