Family drama

So, my family, as most people know, is pretty much the Cleavers. Usually. We definitely have our issues but we all love each other and we are all really close.
My mom and I definitely run into walls when it comes to the fact that I feel like I get treated differently because I don't have children, her grandchildren. She has always doted on Craig's kids and her and my dad are the most amazing grandparents I've ever seen. I would never want that to change. However, I feel like I get left out of things or treated poorly and I honestly think it's because of the kid issue.

Awhile back, my best friends and I were talking about a road trip to Washington DC to visit one of those best friends. We asked to borrow Dad's van and we were shooting for the first or second week of August. Apparently, Craig and crew were still trying to get out west to visit Todd and his family. Our trip to DC has been postponed indefinitely. The trip out west has changed drastically.....

Now, my entire family is going together. Mom and dad are taking care of the plane tickets and they will be gone over a week. My issue? I was never invited. Not even asked if I might be interested or available. In fact, one version is that Craig and Teri both mentioned to mom and dad to invite me and were told they'd take care of it. The answer back to Craig and Teri? "It just didn't work out. She can't go." Are you kidding me? How would you know that if you never asked.

In an effort to be more honest with my parents, mom especially, I told her that I was very hurt that my family is going on vacation without me. The response? "I know. I'm sorry. It just didn't play out that way." Wow. I decided to ask my dad about it as well and it was no different. In fact, he almost seemed surprised that I was so upset.

It's funny how since I'm in a serious relationship, I think sometimes about being somewhere different for holidays or doing something away from my family. At first, it was maybe uncomfortable. After all of this, I think it will be much easier. After all, I've been around for every family function for the last 42 years. I guess it's my turn to live my own life and quite possibly, sometimes separated from my family.

And once again, it's been awhile

Well, let's see, where do I start. Again, it's been awhile and I just don't do this very often. Knowing my BFF is constantly blogging may kick my butt back into gear, we'll see.

So, Bill and I have been dating about 4 1/2 months and we are still amazingly happy. We still talk all the time about how perfect this seems and how much we love being around each other. He has been on vacation for over 2 weeks and it's been tough. But, not as tough as we had anticipated. We've been able to text every night and have even talked on the phone several times. One thing is for sure, we definitely do not want to be apart for this long ever again. I can't wait until he gets home which is TOMORROW!!!!!

More happy story

So, I am completely in love with Bill and have met all of his girls. They definitely seem to like me which makes me very happy because I really like them.
This weekend we spent 2 whole days together. We played board games, went to the lake, watched movies and baked cookies.

We have been dating for two and a half months and I feel like I have to constantly remind myself that it hasn't been two and a half years. It just seems so perfect and I am so happy. I haven't felt this way in a really long time, if ever. It is amazing to have someone be so crazy about me and even better that I am happy and we laugh all the time. Our conversations can be honest and intense as well. Again, something I am pretty sure I've never had. Or, at least I don't remember it.

I am going to try harder to not get all "futuristic" and wedding minded because I don't want to scare him away or lose him over that. It would be crazy to have that happen when we obviously make each other so happy. It's just hard for me sometimes because I can really see it with him. But, more importantly and maybe this is what I need to remind myself of, I just want my future to include him. If that means no wedding, I will adjust. At least I feel that way today. And, I will focus on taking this day by day. It is so good!

Surprise

So, new boy and I'm happy. New boy has 4 daughters and we have had many a conversation about me meeting them. I have not pushed and I have pretty much left it up to him and them. I would love to meet them but only when they are all ready.

In Lansing, initially I was going to meet them. But then for a few different reasons that wasn't going to happen. Well, on Thursday, it did. He had dropped me off at the mall so he could go have dinner with them. When he came to pick me up, I went to throw my bags in the back and there were 2 beautiful girls sitting in the seat. Wow! I was so excited. They were very sweet and polite, introducing themselves and one even shook my hand. One of them had gotten permission to come back with us to stay with her dad for the weekend. Neat.

We had plans to see The Blind Side last night with a friend from work and her hubby. Sweet daughter that she is said she was cool with just hanging out at home because it was "you guys' thing". No, not at all. So, we invited and she came with us. Super fun night. Dinner, laughing, making planes out of Dove wrappers and an amazing movie. What could be better? Well, I'll tell you. Coming home and chatting with him on facebook. Somehow, the idea of me and her hanging out today came up. She was really excited to do that and so now we are. Just the 2 of us. Gonna ride with me to get my eyebrows threaded and go get groceries. I can't wait. May sound boring to others but the significance, do you get it? Huge!

Been awhile...

So, obviously, it's been 6 months since I've last posted an entry and I suppose there's no excuse for it. Maybe it's been my focus on my weight and so I rarely have any free time. The journey started last year, as you can tell by earlier posts. But, I think it got real intense around Christmas when I got my Wii from my awesome family. To catch you up, I'm officially down 36 pounds. Yahoo! Only 14 to go. When I get to that point, I will continue this lifestyle to stay healthy but I won't be so focused on my loss.

I have also started seeing someone and I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet. It's like I am finally the girl in all the chick flicks I tortured myself with over the years. He's funny, sweet, smart, considerate and best of all, he's crazy about me. Who could ask for more than that? To sum it up, when he looks at me, I feel as pretty as he thinks I am. I have never experienced that before and I could never have imagined it would feel this wonderful. Doesn't get any better than that!

For awhile on facebook, I was posting my workout routine as my status. I got a lot of compliments on it and was told by lots and lots of people that it was inspiring for them. I have kind of gotten away from that for many reasons. In looking back at it, I have decided to start a new blog about my work out journey. I will then add the link to my facebook page and people can read it that way. It's an effort to help me keep up my journaling and not feeling like I have to post my work out as my status on facebook if there's something else I'd rather share.

Think that catches up the last 6 months. Short and sweet. Look for the workout blog if you'd like to follow my journey in that part of my life.

Pure Inspiration

Sometime earlier this year, I read the book, The Soloist. Since my reading it, it has been made into a movie and gotten quite good reviews. As of right now, I have not seen it but desperately want to.

Anyway, the book is the true life story of the relationship between Steve Lopez, LA Times columnist and Nathaniel Anthony Ayers, a schizphrenic homeless man in LA. Steve happens upon Nathaniel playing his 2 stringed cello in the presence of a statue of Beethoven in LA. It is a book of tears, joy, music and friendship.

This weekend, I was in San Diego for the national music therapy conference. During the opening session, we were surprised with a performance by Nathaniel, along with one of our fabulous colleagues, Al Bumanis. I have never in my life heard such beauty and joy in music, improvised music. Nathaniel played the cello and the trumpet and it was over far too soon. I was so disappointed to not have my camera with me and I knew I was too far away to use my phone camera. So, I was content to sit and listen and wipe away my tears. I could not get over the timing of this man appearing within a week or two of my poignant discussion on homelessness with the prisoners at work.

On Friday morning, I went to a roundtable to discuss the Nathaniel Anthony Ayers Foundation. Steve, Nathaniel's sister Jennifer and Ted, the Executive Director of the foundation were on the panel. What an amazing group of people and words could not describe how I felt when listening to the work they are doing with artistically gifted mentally ill clients. Toward the end, Nathaniel came and played for us again. Many people left when the session was over but several of us were so drawn to this man and his gift that we had to stay to listen to his music. Christine Stevens, a renowned and gifted MT, began improvising with him on the piano. Over the course of the next 30 minutes, Nathaniel played the piano, cello and trumpet, once again improvising as only he knows how to do. I could not believe the beauty of his music and the expressions on his face as he did what he loved so much. When it seemed our time had to end, Nathaniel stood up and said "This is what I was born for. These few notes." WOW! Later on in the day, I had a chance to talk to Jennifer and thank her for coming to share their story with us. She kept saying over and over that she was so grateful to have this opportunity to see her brother "happy and having a great time". I can only imagine.

I feel that words will never come close to describing what I witnessed in this man but I had to process it somehow. To share this with my good friend, Shannon, only made it more memorable. I think it took me these last few days to get around to blogging about it because I just wanted to keep it to myself on some level. Just to reflect and remember the man who has somehow, in some small way, changed my life.

As Shannon and I sat out in the sunshine talking about what we had witnessed, I described it as pure joy and beauty. She said it was pure inspiration. I think we're both right.

It should be mentioned that the Nathaniel Anthony Ayers Foundation is doing amazing work, helping the artistically gifted mentally ill and trying desperately to stamp out the stigma of mental illness. They have a website and I encourage anyone and everyone to check it out and support this amazing group of people. I know I have and will continue to do so.

The sun above the clouds

Isn’t it amazing that on cloudy, dreary, rainy days, we forget that the sun is still there? I don't know if we so much forget or we just don't think about it. I remember in Hilton Head when we went down to watch the sun come up we were so excited to see it. We kinda did the whole "Look, here it comes..isn't it amazing and beautiful?" Really, why the surprise? Doesn't the sun always come up? Well, on the cloudy days we can't always see it and I suppose we can "question" if it's still there.

When I took off in the plane yesterday morning, it was still dark. We took off and all of a sudden, there was the sun, above the clouds. It was shining through my window, bright and warm. It struck me as ironic and super cool and got me thinking about a few things. I realized it's a perfect analogy for our relationship with God and His SON, Jesus. We can't always see Him and so, sometimes I think we "forget" He's there. We can get to thinking that because we can't "see" Him, He must not be there. That’s never the case. He never leaves us. I know that for me personally, I can get into a rut and when things are going well and everything is taken care of and on an even keel, I tend to think about Him or communicate with Him less. The irony is that sometimes it takes our storms and clouds to search and call out to Him.
Shouldn’t we be constantly searching for Him and His will for our lives? Of course we should.

I keep singing my song of the month over and over again. I’m calling it that because currently, it’s one I can’t get enough of. It’s a gospel song by Israel Houghton called “Just Gotta Say”. It starts with my new favorite thought….”Never have I seen the righteous forsaken!” I AM NOT FORSAKEN!!!! It goes on to say that He will never leave us lonely.

Sometimes, in my singleness, I forget that I am not alone. Is my life what I thought or planned it would be? Absolutely not. But, it’s what He planned it would be. And truly, doesn’t God know much better than I?